I haven’t written in awhile. Mainly because I just didn’t know what to write about. My mind has been all over the place and I can’t really pin point one thing to focus on. That is the demise of my situation and the reason for my current state of mind as I write. I had something weird happen to me and I am trying to “write it out.” I hope it helps.
I am not a huge believer in horoscopes i.e. I read them but I don’t think they are prophecies or anything like that. The one I got last night told me that I would have a dream and the dream would be disturbing enough for me to wake up in a frenzy. Furthermore it told me not to worry about the people in the dream but more so what happened in the dream because that would be the message. It also told me to write it down.
Unfortunately I rarely remember my dreams and if I do, it is only for a brief moment after I wake up. The same happened this morning but now I am a bit upset that I can’t recall it because just as my horoscope stated, I woke up from this dream in a frenzy. The people who were in the dream were not relevant to the message but I do at least remember the message which confirmed some things that I have been swaying over.
I titled this blog Dreams Deferred because I feel like I have not done some things that I want to do. Lately I have had the pleasure of coming into contact with people that are reminding me to LIVE. They have come in the strangest of packages too. One was a complete stranger who reminded me that misery follows you everywhere you go and running away from the problem won’t make it go away. As simple as it sounds, it was quite profound in its delivery. Another was a project I was asked to participate in requesting that I write a letter to my younger self. I never would have thought I would be telling my younger self some of the same things my parents told me. Oh so many lessons learned! Lastly was a comment from a sniper who stated that he does not care about dying but he does care about LIVING! That was the best one. He truly had an “it is what it is”/live in the moment mentality and I found myself envying that.
Yesterday I wrote down the date and realized that it was almost February. Moreover, I realized that January was a blur. 2010 was a blur. 2009 is fuzzy…That is not how I want my life to be. I don’t want to think back on the past and have blurred or fuzzy moments. For me, those are indicators that I was not in a good space and I have mentally blocked out the memories because they evoke some type of negative mood. I want to do better and I want to have better memories.
With that being said, today I decided that I am going to allow myself to dream. I mean truly DREAM! I will no longer talk myself out of or rationalize why my dreams cannot or should not come true. Whether it is a day dream, night dream, nightmare, fantasy…I am going to allow it. And then I am going to take the good or learn the lesson from it and make it happen. I think it is awesome that when we were kids no one really disputed our dreams or fantasies. We truly thought we could do and be anything. Of course reality set in and we realized that we needed more than a wand and three wishes for our dreams to come to fruition. But that still doesn’t mean they can’t come true. They can…we just have to believe they can. Dreams are equivalent to prayers and God promised He would answer them. So let’s DREAM together! Besides, what do we have to lose?
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