Alone with my thoughts. My skin screams during the fight with my will. Knuckles white and knees red from praying. The devil is winning. The voice in my head is loud…but wrong. The voice in my heart…barely audible. “You know my heart.” I want… I need… I think… I know…nothing. The flesh is weak. So weak. Trying to do right in a world full of wrong. Satan glorified on each channel. I turn only to see more of him. But then again, who’s to say Satan is a man…look at Eve. The whispers get louder…Satan on my left…Angel on my right. I am thirsty and sin is trying to give me water. The bucket is golden and the ladle covered in diamonds. Its beauty is alluring…Blinding…I can’t see but I keep reaching for it. My eyes water as I knowingly make a wrong decision…siding with my flesh. I am a hypocrite…Judas! I crawl into a hole of self pity and condemnation. As if that will help. I cry out…a silent scream…the pain unrecognizable to most. Bleeding internally…my heart beat weakening…I search and search and search for answers. I find nothing. Impatience overwhelms me until I see a mirage of promises filled. Then they disappear. It was a dream…a beautiful nightmare that I did not want to wake from. Seeking to satisfy my flesh instead of my will which should have been His will. It gets dark now…I adjust my eyes to a world of sin willingly accepting some as the new norm. Justifying and objectifying all that is not of Him. Rose colored glasses stained with the blood of Jesus…chew on it…yeah that’s deep. Blasphemy laced in ecstasy with sugar on top and whip cream so you don’t even recognize that it is dried up shit being sold to you for a profit. You just know that it looks good until you get up on it and it reeks of foulness…but you taste it anyway. Looks can be deceiving. Now the situation has turned into recreation classified in a file called “just having fun” but really your sin count is above the limit and your balance past due...can’t get into heaven with bad credit…so now what?
