Free Association

Today I decided to just sit down and type.  Whatever comes to mind is what shall be “written.”  Aaaaaaaaannnnnndddddd ACTION!

Are you what you want others to be?  In his song Statistics, Lyfe Jennings stated “don’t be a nickel out here looking for a dime.”  Powerful and true.  If you want to have a best friend, be a best friend.  Don’t just call when you need help.  Check on the other person.  Pick up the phone and say “I just called to see how YOU were doing.”  Actually listen to them sometimes.  Be the lending ear that you want others to be.

If you want a good man, be a good woman.  Quit bitching and complaining about what he won’t do and appreciate what he does do.  Maybe if you quit criticizing him so much, he will do more.  Ok, so he didn’t wash the clothes like you would have.  But they got washed didn’t they?  Your way is not always the best way.  I have often heard this quote and now I totally believe in it…Do you want to be “right” or do you want to be “happy” in your relationship? 

If you want a good woman, be a good man.  Don’t make promises that you are not going to keep.  Don’t say you are going to do something and then don’t do it.  Furthermore, don’t act like everything is ok after YOU fucked up.  Don’t call 3 days later when you were suppose to call 10 minutes later.  Really?  Does that add up to you?  And you have the nerve to ask us “what’s wrong?” 

When relationships go awry, don’t always assume there is another person.  Maybe the problem is you.  Perhaps you aren’t doing your part.  Maybe you aren’t still doing the things you use to do in the relationship when it first began.  Perhaps you are getting in the way of your own happiness.  Be committed to go the distance.  Especially if you are married…you made a promise to God.  I don’t think you want to break that one.

A reflection of 2010 has definitely made me anxious and excited about 2011.  I am beginning to get my hopes up but I also don’t want to be let down.  I don’t want to seem cliché-ish as if I only reflect once a year.  I reflect often because I am constantly evolving.  But it is hard not to do it twice as much when everyone else is making resolutions and such.  Guilty by association I suppose.  Nonetheless, I have been using several mantras as of late i.e. “I have tunnel vision in 2011,”  “I’m going to dance/laugh as much as I can in 2011,” “I’m over it before it begins in 2011,” and “Zero tolerance in 2011.”  These sayings all have different sources but the ultimate outcome is a better me.

The cycle is everlasting.  I had a physician tell me once that the human being is like a table with 4 legs.  If 1 of the 4 legs is not stable, the table will wobble.  I realize that my 4 legs of my table are mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional.  The devil attacks me in the same way each time.  And when one of my legs becomes unstable, I began to falter in other areas.  Pretty soon my whole damn table has hit the ground and I have to figure out how to put it back together again.  The other day a person I never expected to hear say something this profound made me think about the table analogy from a different angle.  He said “I have been trying to manage myself but it is impossible to manage instability.”  Hmmmm…I have been trying desperately to keep my table from wobbling.  I have put a piece of paper under the short leg of the table but it only last temporarily.  I tried to move the table around or close to a wall for extra support to no avail.  Still shaky!  I have realized that I have no choice but to fix the broken leg…period.  That may require a little or a lot…but it requires something and it also requires immediate attention.

Thanks to this wobbly leg, I have been in limbo about life.  I had yet another person that I did not expect to learn anything from say to me that having so many talents is a blessing and a curse in that you can do so many things but you can’t seem to focus on one thing to do.  True!  I have been blessed with the use of both sides of my brain.  Yet I still find myself searching for me…trying to figure out who I am and where I fit in.  I don’t mind breaking the mold per se but my putty still seems too soft.  I have no form to conform to so that I can rebel and become an individual.  It’s much like that cruel joke…which came first the chicken or the egg?

Regardless, I am attempting to look at this adventure to the “center of me” in a positive light.  View it as a reinvention of myself.  Frame it as my second life.  Create a fresh me from scratch.  I will be taking my blog followers along for the ride.  Best buckle up!  It might be a bumpy ride but much worth it!