Psalm 8

I looked at the sky tonight.  Staring at it.  It seems to have no beginning or end.  It was midnight blue and looked as if someone had spilled balls of cotton all over it.  No stars.  Just sky.  I sat there wrapped in my mink throw with my fleece pajamas underneath…thinking…questioning: “God, what did I do to offend you?” 

Each day is starting to feel Bipolar in nature.  I wake up and give myself a pep talk commanding that “today will be a good day.”  I thank God for all His blessings.  But before my feet hit the floor, something overcomes me.  Work, health, finances, stress, more stress.  It feels like Groundhog Day.  Satan is constantly hitting me below the belt and when I am down he is spitting in my face.  I’m almost too tired to fight back. 

I spend my days motivating others to beat the odds.  Telling them that their situations can and will change.  Encouraging them to pray and just hold on a little while longer.  Yet I am a hypocrite in my own situation.  I teach others to live and yet I feel like I am dying spiritually.  My soul is tired.

“God, what did I do to offend you?”

Perhaps I wronged Him in a way that I have not read about in the bible yet.  I feel like my prayers are going unheard.  I don’t think He would totally turn His back on me but maybe I am in solitary confinement.  My mantra:  2011 will be NOTHING like 2010.  However, I’m struggling to make it to December 31.  I just want to know what I did wrong and how to fix it.  How do I turn the mute button off so I can hear what He is telling me?  How do I even know it is Him talking to me?

Psalm 8:5-6 Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor; You gave them everything you made, putting all things under their authority

You gave me power but I don’t know the instructions.  I must have mixed the potion wrong or skewed the measurements.  I pray, I plan, I try, I try harder…yet nothing.  No signs.  No direction.  Limbo.  Just here.  I know Your thoughts and timing definitely aren’t mine.  I have been patient.  I have not given up.  I won’t give up!  But what am I suppose to do in the meantime?  My armor of faith is torn and there is not time to repair it because the war is constant.  If I take a break, the devil will take me out. 

“God, what did I do to offend you?”

My steps are ordered but I have fallen off the path, down the hill, and into a valley.   The bones here are dry.  I tried to prophesize and blow life into them but to no avail.  They are still lifeless.  Is my touch not anointed?  I feel like Job.  I am being tried beyond measure.  I don’t know how he did it but he did.  And on the other side, he was SO much better. As I look to the other side, I am much better too.  But in the meantime…Psalm 8.