The Obituary

I was recently challenged to write my own obituary.  I am to start from the beginning and create my own ending.  At first, I paused…then closed the book that issued the challenge.  I felt an instant headache simply because I did not know where to begin nor did I know how I wanted my story to end.  I even waited 24 hours before I considered completing the task.  Then I found myself here, blogging about it.  In short, I would say my life has been very comfortable in that I grew up in a great household with examples of healthy and long lasting relationships around me.  No traumatic experiences that would garner book or movie deals.  Just life!  I have people I can trust and count on around me at all times.  Yet something is missing…

Some look at my life with envy.  Apparently we wear different glasses.  I get comments such as “You are blessed to be such a great dancer.”  I feel it is sometimes a curse because it gave birth to my body image issues.  Tis bitter sweet to always be complimented on your gift (dance) only to be dismissed because of the wrapping paper (body).  It is torture to see others with less talent gain access to your passion because of their looks/size.  I gracefully bowed out of the lime light.  It’s not worth the obsessions.

Some would say “you are so diverse.”  Yes, I have had many jobs and have worked in several related fields.  However, employers may look at that as “unstable.” I look at it as “I have not found my niche.”  I also look at it as “If I haven’t found it yet, will I ever?”  It’s hard being good at several things but not being great at one thing.  It’s hard being talented in several areas but not having a burning desire to concentrate on one area.  It’s hard being so good at solving other people’s problems but unable to treat your own.

Some would say “Oh! You have so much freedom and can get up and go whenever you want.”  That is a true statement.  But what good is it when all of the people around you have careers, husbands/wives, and/or children that they have commitments to and you are left to do many things alone.  Freedom can also lead to loneliness.

With a past like this, it is hard to create a virtual future…kind of like trying to make a cake but not having all the ingredients.  I would like to be known for being a philanthropist, a motivational speaker, an author, a teacher, a dancer, and a life coach.  I would like to be known for winning the lottery or gaining access to grants and using that money to set examples of how to sow seed into God and the village that it takes to raise a child i.e. the community.  I would like to be known for creating programs for young girls to lift their self esteem so that they don’t get caught up in the booby traps being laid by our corrupt society.  I would like to be known for helping others turn their lives around and move into the greatness God has waiting on them.  I would like to be known for visiting other countries and helping them fight poverty, crime, AIDS, & injustice.  I want to be known for dancing and teaching dance as a way of expression and not judgment.  I want to be known for writing books that help women learn to love themselves from the inside out and not the outside in.  Ultimately, I want to be known for using my God given talents to do God’s will.

Interesting enough, I had a conversation with a friend today and I was stating that I was quite disheartened that I have not completed a book that I began writing in 2008.  Specifically I stated that I did not want to go into 2011 with that same task incomplete.  When she asked me why I had not completed the book, I said “I have not lived the ending that I want the book to have.”  She thought that it was a profound statement.  After I pondered on it further, I realized that maybe I am going about this backwards.  Instead of waiting to live it before I write it, I should write it so I CAN live it.

So this is me writing what I plan on living… I WILL be known for winning the lottery or gaining access to some grants and using that money to set examples of how to sow seed into God and the village that it takes to raise a child i.e. the community.  I WILL be known for creating programs for young girls to lift their self esteem so that they don’t get caught up in the booby traps being laid by our corrupt society.  I WILL be known for helping others turn their lives around and move into the greatness God has waiting on them.  I WILL be known for visiting other countries and helping them fight poverty, crime, AIDS, & injustice.  I WILL be known for dancing and teaching dance as a way of expression and not judgment.  I WILL be known for writing books that help women learn to love themselves from the inside out and not the outside in.  Ultimately, I WILL be known for using my God given talents to do God’s will.

And at the end of my obituary, it shall read “MISSION COMPLETE!”